My name is Gary Brookens from Lancaster County, PA. My wife, Pamela and I were both previously married. We married 6 years ago, but she was not able to have children during her first marraige due to complications with Thyroid medication. I am 45, Pamela is now 42, and I could have given her children, but I had a vasectomy many years ago after having my second son during my first marraige. We both are Christians and love the Lord. I was willing to have my vasectomy reversed, but insurance did not cover it, and we could not afford the surgery. We prayed about adoption from China and from other places. Unfortunately, I lost a job back in 2005 and was without work for about a year and a half. We ended up deep in debt with credit card bills. We eventually went to a lawyer to file bankrupcty, but nothing was done for a year and a half. Apparently, their former secretary had stashed our paperwork somewhere and it was not found until recently. So now we are still sitting on several thousands of dollars worth of debt with creditors coming after us and debts piling up even more and making things even worse. Our lawyer said he recently found our papers and is going to advise us what to do next. But we also owe Pamela's parents several thousand dollars which we are currently working on paying back, as well.
We moved to Lancaster County from northwestern PA in March of 2007 with hopes of finding better jobs and getting out of debt so we could afford to adopt. But right now our hopes of becoming debt free looks light years away. My wife is exasperated and angry with God for not allowing her to experience the blessing of motherhood. She deserves to be a Mom, and I can't give that to her, and we cannot afford it, with all our bills, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. We have prayed and have asked others to pray with us. But we have a huge mountain to climb and we don't know how or if we will ever surmount it. I feel hopeless and sad sometimes. We had prayed about twin girls from China and we thought that God was showing us that this was His way. But now it almost seems like a cruel joke. What can we do? We do love the Lord and are active at church but it seems like we have messed things up so that having children looks like a total impossibility. I would love to experience raising two baby girls with Pamela, or even one. Our marraige is great and we love each other very much, but there is just this one thing missing...... I feel that I am at my wit's end and don't know where else to turn.
Can you help? Do you have any ideas or suggestions. Can you at least pray for us? Pamela does not know that I am sending this email. I don't know what else to do...
Thank you so much, and God bless you.
Gary B
Leola PA 17540